Time🖤

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 didn’t ask my permission

to reach this 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐞.

yet here we are.

I’m pretty frustrated with “𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞” right now anyway~🫤

I felt myself just going through the motions~

I can’t seem to control the fact that I’m not as excited to see this day coming.

As the onslaught of social media posts declaring excitement for the upcoming school year

begin to pour in~

I felt myself more numb than excited.

Why? I don’t exactly know. Well, I kinda do but that’d take a novel to explain.

But I do know that there’s no requirement that we all feel the exact same way about big life events.

And I’m learning it’s good to share~

because even our most personal experiences are universal~💫

And by sharing our stories it might also help us not feel so alone.🤍

So as we rushed through the day to meet her 𝓚𝓲𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓰𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓮𝓷 Teacher~

I was completely out of tears, & everything felt more ‘business~like.’

Until she paused amid the rush and asked me

to switch her shoes~

to match her favorite dress..

And as she stood there looking at her feet

at her different pair of shoes~(simple, nothing fancy)

she declared, pointing~

“Look Mommy. Look how perfect I look.”

All of a sudden everything

started spinning around me.

And I had to catch my breath~

And I forced myself to 𝒔𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏

and be 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁 in the moment.

“Yes, I said softly, those are perfect.”

So as I drove to get her school supplies because

yes~I’ve been putting it off~

I unfortunately had time to 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 for a moment.

And so the tears start flowing; uninvited, unannounced.

As she sits with her legs crossed in her car seat,

looking out the window in her carefree way~

She randomly strikes up another 5 year old conversation beginning with~

“Did you know that God lives everywhere?

he’s all around us.

He even lives inside of our hearts.”

Children sure could teach us a thing or two about God.❤️

“Everyone’s heart?” I ask. “Yes.”

“How’d you know that?”

“Because I’m really smart.”😂

“I know you are baby girl.”🩷

“Baby girl,” still sounds a little foreign coming out of my mouth at times.

Not many know that in 2017 I wasn’t really interested in a baby girl.

It’s not something I talk about because of course things are different now.🤍

But at the time~the emotions, the confusion, the denial, they were all very 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥.

I was 💯 certain that I was a boy mom.

I didn’t “do pink,” or “girl drama,” or dolls & millions of tiny pink & purple toys & microscopic Barbie shoes intermingled with the hotwheels & legos (and no i’m not saying boys & girls have to only play with certain toys).

But now here we are, 𝗳𝗶𝘃𝗲 years in, knee-deep in pink & purple, hair bows, dancing, makeup, jewelry, barbies, & all the things I never envisioned would be a part of our lives.❣️

Don’t get me wrong~

She can hold hold her own with her boys

but she’s as 𝑮𝒊𝒓𝒍𝒚-𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 as they come.

As a good friend reminds me often when she sees us downtown~

“She’s everything you didn’t know you needed.”

My heart skips a beat for a minute but wholeheartedly agrees.❤️

Indeed.🤍

She’s helped me see the world

from an entirely different perspective.

The perspective 𝙄 used to have too but as life happened, I’d forgotten.

And yes, the boys at that age could’ve shown me the same thing but I wasn’t paying attention.

Now I’m paying attention.🤍

Like on one random, mundane morning she raced into my bedroom, threw open the blinds and declared,

“Look Mommy! It’s 𝙈𝙤𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜! It’s 𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 outside!”🤔

I thought for sure she had seen something more earth-shattering than that~😵‍💫

But nope, that was it. It was morning. Nothing spectacular, no big deal.

But it was a 𝗯𝗶𝗴 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗹 to her.☀️

And that’s what childhood is supposed to be like.

But I’m afraid most children are being robbed of their childhood~in which contains the simplest pleasures of life, the magical moments that only children can create and enjoy.💫

And it’s 𝚏𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐.

You can’t get it back.

And, they’re missing it because they’re looking down, not up.

And my mind floods to all

of the comparisons in the Bible

When Jesus compares the kingdom of heaven

to a child.

And tells us to 𝗯𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 children~

In fact, He says we won’t enter the 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗱𝗼𝗺 𝗼𝗳 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻 otherwise. (Matthew 18)

I used to think that was referring to heaven as a distant location somewhere in the sky~

But now I realize what those verses are actually referring to is 𝗥𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗡𝗼𝘄.

Heaven on earth.

Through the eyes of a child.

Innocent. Unveiled. Simple. Authentic. Sincere.

And full of 𝙅𝙤𝙮.

That’s the secret, friends.

That’s the key.

That’s 𝙅𝙊𝙔.

To be 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁 in the moment.

“In his 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 is 𝗙𝘂𝗹𝗹𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝑱𝒐𝒚.”

I’m finally starting to get it. Things are making sense but it’s a tedious journey.

Anyone else connecting the dots?

I’m still connecting them too.

But I’ve realized that when I live in the past,

or the nonexistent future

or the weekend~

or the next holiday, booked cruise, or exotic trip~

I’ll completely 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔 what’s right in front of me.

And oh, the regrets.

So I don’t want to do anymore future-tripping.

I want to look up, not down~

especially when highlights don’t portray reality

and everything is pretty distorted & skewed right now anyway..

I don’t want to miss a moment because I’m living in someone else’s moment.

In the never-ending & unexplainably 𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚝𝚢 𝚑𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 scroll.

𝙏𝙞𝙘𝙠-𝙩𝙤𝙘𝙠, 𝙏𝙞𝙘𝙠-𝙩𝙤𝙘𝙠..we don’t get any time back.

I want to be more 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 in the 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁.

Who would’ve known it would be my 5 year old to teach me this.

As I watch her live 𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 to the fullest.

She doesn’t have to re-train herself to be still enough to listen to the birds sing.

Stopping to pick flowers is a given~🌹

Even better if she can find a paper cup, fill it with water, and give it to someone just to see them smile (she does this often).

“Hold on Mommy, I’m looking for beautiful leaves in the driveway. Here’s one for you, it’s your favorite color.”

Every day is a gift. Every moment is full of anticipation.

Thank you, 𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍, for being the best thing I never knew I needed.♥️

Dear Scarlett Noelle,

I hope you have the best Kindergarten year

You are a bright light

Don’t let anyone dim it~

Your personality sparkles & you light up the room.

Treat others the way you want to be treated

Always be kind~

Look for the good in everyone

Include someone who seems left out

Do your best and we’ll be proud of you no matter what.

Stay true to yourself~

Chase your dreams & never give up

What you think about, you’ll create~

So focus on the positive.

Whatever is true & lovely & good

Think about those things.

Hopefully you’ll learn this sooner than I did~

The sky is the limit,

Endless possibilities await

And we create the life we want.

God wants you to be happy & live your best life

I promise I’ll do my best to guide you in the way of 𝗧𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵~

So you’re not hindered in any way or held back

by insecurity or fear~the two biggest stealers of 𝑱𝒐𝒚~

I can’t wait to see what you’re really good at~your genius zone that’s uniquely you.❣️

‘You’re not just a drop in the ocean

But the entire ocean in one drop’ (Rumi)

Thank you for reminding me of the true meaning of life~& I’ll be here to remind you if you ever forget.”♥️

Love, Mommy🤍