~𝓢𝓾𝓷𝓼𝓮𝓽~🧡

That day, a year ago~I was captivated by the gorgeous November sunset while driving home, my thoughts swirling around inside of it & they eventually found you at the graveside where you had to give your baby girl back to God. I was speechless, undone.

Now whenever I see a beautiful sunset, I think of Ruth Ann.

WHY though.

WHY God.

And I’ve been shattered in a thousand pieces for you since that day.

Truly, it’s unreasonable to think how a single human being can process that kind of pain & it’s beyond my finite understanding.

Yet every person approaches the oh~so ~complicated, yet well traversed road of grief differently~🖤

Sometimes grief looks like a train wreck. And that’s ok.

Sometimes it looks like a dumpster fire. And that’s ok too.

And because we are all as unique and intricately woven as each sunset, strikingly similar in beauty but every one of us a different representation and hue of all of God’s brilliant colors, we will all travel this road differently.

Yet as we’re walking the path we’ll link arms with others along the way as we whisper in passing~”you’re not alone.”

We’ll squeeze each other’s hands while wiping tears, and give a ‘knowing’ nod, and keep walking.

Because we don’t have a choice but to keep walking.

Because life keeps going.

Indeed, one of the most gut wrenching facts uttered in times of grief: Life.goes.on.

But honestly, how could it?

We are utterly frozen but~life doesn’t stop to acknowledge our grief.

How could the world continue when ours had been completely wiped from beneath us?

The world keeps spinning, the sun keeps setting, the stars keep returning every night to remind us that God is near, an ever~present help in times of trouble.

Although at times it doesn’t really feel that way.

“Lift your eyes to the hills~remember where your help comes from..”

I remember God but..not really feeling it right now.

And He doesn’t expect you to.❤️

I won’t pretend to know the slightest thing about this level of grief.

Yet I’ve been deeply and profoundly affected in ways too complicated to explain.

But I do know that when you see the sunset, absorb as much light as you can, so that when the darkness threatens to overtake you, you can call upon the Light that dispels all darkness~💫

Breathe in the last seconds of that light, that sunset that your baby girl is showing you before it disappears beneath the earth. If you miss it, don’t worry. You’ll have another chance soon enough.🧡

Despite the long night, the ‘darkest night of the soul,’ 𝗝𝗼𝘆 will eventually find you again in the morning, no matter how long it takes.

How?

It’s crazy but true~we have such a relentless drive to survive, even in the most devastating circumstances.

So I know it will keep looking for you.

So many have been slowly dying inside, finding it hard to breathe, but then once again, the light finds us. Proof that light and spirit rise from within us~God. He always gives us 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 that inspires us to keep holding on.

You’ll need to be able to look back and recall the times when you knew without a shadow of a doubt that God was holding your hand~

And that He gave you a sign you were 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 for, & that He is still listening and weaving 𝗚𝗼𝗼𝗱 into the details of your life.

Some of us have experienced our own darkest night of the soul, and we’ll be able to offer you bits of advice here and there.

And when the time comes you’ll be able to offer comfort to a grieving mom who’s traveling a similar, heart~wrenching path.

Don’t get caught up in the grief traps~the ‘what if’s,’ God is in control, He “allows” pain to bring himself glory, “God has a plan,” & that somehow this was “his will.” No, no, no. Don’t entertain those thoughts that humans (not God) have formulated over the centuries in an attempt to find comfort during tragedies.

Just because people mean well, and they do, doesn’t always mean they’re speaking truth.

Just trust the truth 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻. God will show you what you need to understand, when it’s time.

So we must keep walking toward the light, on this path. No matter how hard it gets to see it. You must push through the darkness.

The only way out is through.

But notice the beauty along the way. I’ve learned that God offers it and points it out to me on my journey. Sometimes I acknowledge it and other times I *choose* not to see it.

But in his great love he will patiently offer it again and again, because He’s a good Father.

There are 3 absolutes I am clinging to for you in this season:

1. God is good.

2. God hears our prayers.

3. God is near to the broken-hearted.

God has cried so many tears over this, truly, he has.

Oh, I know the questions you have because mine are the same.

But the veil between here and there is surprisingly thin. We are all interwoven and connected together in a finite tapestry.

Yes, we’re all connected because we are made of the 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 energy that is coursing through the universe at the speed of light (literally) and that energy never goes away, it just takes on different forms.

Though absent from the body, present with Jesus. Ruth Ann has simply moved on to the next realm. Just behind the veil. Although it feels like she’s out of reach, she really isn’t as far away as we think. And she’s as alive as ever and thriving.

She will recognize you in her flower garden. Look for her signs~’Momma, it’s me. And i’m perfectly happy.’🌺

Death claims no true victory. Why? Souls are eternal. So even though Ruth Ann no longer needs her earthly body, her soul is very much alive just beyond the veil.

Similar to the squirrels & chipmunks I heard earlier today, scampering through the fall leaves and racing up the trees, so I pictured Little Miss, perfectly whole & happy, breathing heavenly air.

I’ve also learned that Grief is like the tide. Sometimes it’s a low tide and sometimes it’s a high tide. Regardless, we must learn how to swim, to navigate these unpredictable currents.

And sometimes, you might be wading out into the water when it’s low tide, and it’s a good day. And then all of a sudden, the high tide comes out of nowhere~uninvited, unexpected, and it takes.you.down.

And you think you’re drowning. And when you think you absolutely can’t make it another second~you feel an invisible hand reaching down and pulling you back up.

He won’t let you drown. Keep holding his hand.

I promise He’ll send an anchor. He always does.

Remember the stars~that even on the very darkest of nights, they still come out to shine. and that’s when they appear the brightest.

At times you may think it’s all over. But your light within still radiates and we need your light. So many need you. I know you know that.

Survival is still a perfectly reasonable way to exist right now. Sometimes the overwhelm is so deafening that you just need to focus on doing the next right thing.

The next.right.thing.

That might be wiping someone’s nose or grabbing coffee with a friend.

It might be zipping up a jacket or re-teaching the same skill for the 100th time.

I’m the last one to tell you what your relationship with God should be like, but know that staying and walking in complete rhythm with him is going to be necessary to get you through.

So do that and somehow you’ll just know what to do next. You’ll just know.

And if there’s one word that sums up grief it’s this~

𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐬.

Pretty simple yet~

The undefinable process of losing 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 or 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠.

𝔾𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕗 encompasses the complicated array of emotions that occur in response to loss.

The process of grief is something that comes in waves and is not linear.

There is no straightforward path to help you navigate the journey.

But there 𝒊𝒔 a path 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻 directed by the Source who knows exactly each step you need to take and when to take it.

Follow that lead.♥️

Some adjust to these changes easily, and others take time to become familiar with new routines, a new way of life.

Enduring an extreme change in lifestyle might also be your form of grief.

It was definitely part of mine.

Grief is putting to rest what once was.

Ups & downs, good days & bad days, predictable & unpredictable moments are familiar faces on this journey.

You think you’re getting through it, you’re feeling strong, then triggers come~uninvited, yet necessary.

Why necessary? They point out the parts of us that are still not whole, that still need healing.

So, dear friend.💕 As the year anniversary of Ruth Ann’s homegoing sweeps in like an unpredictable November wind..embrace whatever feelings blow in with it.

You don’t have to define any thoughts or feelings as good, bad, right or wrong, because as you well know by now, there is no formula for grief.

Traumatic loss blows up everything. Grief will hurt like hell and feel like hell but it’s the price we pay for loving someone~because without love, there would be no grief. Where there is deep grief, there is deep love.

You’ve done great ‘surviving’ this past year and you’re one of the strongest people I know.♥️

I hope we realize we don’t need to fix you or cheer out of your sadness, we heal by telling our story.

When friends listen & acknowledge the loss, it will help you feel supported and loved, because grief needs to be witnessed. No fixing or cheering up needed, but healing does happen when you’re able to tell your story.

So, I will remember Ruth Ann with you, not just once a year, but often.

I look forward to the day when the separation is no longer felt between you and your Baby Girl. Until then, I’ll hold space for you whenever you need it.💞